Clint Eastwood As Bond

After Clint Eastwood's revelation of turning down offers to play James Bond, I present you with the what-could-have-been scenario.

Oh, James Bond. I see you've caught me having an awkward fondling moment with the cigarette case.
Please don't file for sexual harrasment.

Scowl

James Bond, we have a smidgen of a problem.
A rich-off-his-clogs foreigner armed with a heavy accent and enough uranium to upturn the world entire wants global domination.

Scowl

This is a pocket sized explosive, Bond.
 Use it only when you're outclassed in a fist fight.
Which is pretty often for someone who has to rely on gadgets schamdgets to blast their euro-trash villains to high heaven.

 Scowl

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don't look around my eyes, look into my eyes.

Scowl

Sleepover time, Bond.
And please remove the pocket sized explosive from your trousers before you give a new meaning to 'finishing with a bang'.

Scowl.